the key to successful relationships

Imagemy sister sent me this article, because she knows how much i love all things marriage.

the article explains what is the key to successful and happy relationships. the answer? an environment of love and support, created by kindness and generosity.  this means being kind in hard times and generous in good times.

what to do:

– respond to what your partner shares with you. (“look, a bird!” “oh cool!”, etc)

– share your likes and interests with your partner

– express kindness and empathy during fights

– assume the best intentions

– when your partner shares good news, respond with positivity, focus on them, and ask follow up questions

but these tips don’t just apply to married couples. with every relationship in our life, we should use these pointers.  Not only will they strengthen our relationships, but it will also be excellent practice, so that when we do them with our partner, it will be second nature.

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dear future husband,

please teach our sons the art of romance. teach them to court and charm.  teach them to call when they say they will.  teach them respect for themselves and for their dates.  teach them that how they dress reflects how they respect themselves and others. teach them to win and lose with dignity (no usain bolt level of ego).  teach them to have direction, ambition and a work ethic.  teach them to pray and hope. teach them sympathy and how to serve.

i am so tired of guys not hitting this standard. we women have cried, pulled our hair and wasted so much time on boys who couldn’t be men.

teach our sons to be men. in essence, teach them to be you.

x leslie

the end of insomnia? yes, please.

sometimes i have problems sleeping. in the past week, i haven’t slept for three of those nights. so, yeah. i have a problem.

i talked to a friend who had the same problem once upon a time. she shared her tricks with me.

if you have problems sleeping, i suggest you go to this website. it’ll calm you down in no time. last night, i fell asleep to autogenics.

image via

dear future husband:
i am so grateful to my parents.  my mother is a wise, wise woman.  remember her sage advice, here and here?  yeah, i am so grateful that she’s so amazing.  i’m also so grateful that she met and fell in love with my father.  he, too, is such a great example.
i can only hope that i will be that type of parent.  i remember him teaching me valuable spiritual lessons: following the prophets, no matter what; paying your tithing; loving the Lord with all your heart.  those sorts of things.
recently, i’ve started wondering how i would react if one of my children left the Church.  i have relatives who have left, and i have seen inactivity first hand.  its hard.  i don’t know how i would react.  hopefully, though, we will have raised them in such a way that they will return.  hopefully, we will love them enough that somehow, and at sometime they will return.
x leslie
ps.  i really want to be a mother.  don’t let my beliefs about women’s rights confuse you.  i think motherhood is the best calling a person can hope for.

Steinbeck on love

Steinbeck wrote this very sweet and insightful letter to his son, after his son told him he fell in love with a girl in his class:

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

dear future husband:

i am no stranger to heartache.  i’ve been dumped [multiple times], and i’ve had to be the one who ends things. some times it really sucks. sometimes it’s better.

in all my failed relationships, i have learned a lot.

– if you care enough about a person, you will make it work. no matter what.  this means that when things get scary or get tough, you stick it out.  you iron out the creases.

– don’t let the little things add up to big deals.  yes, i would prefer it if you did everything i wanted you to, whenever i wanted it, but that’s unrealistic.  so i’ll forgive you for those small things if you agree to forgive me.

– relationships are unique.  don’t compare the one you’re currently in to any other relationship [you’re past ones, your friends’ or your parents’].  relationships move at different paces and are expressed in different ways.

– when they end, they end.  sometimes the end makes you feel like you are going to throw up and never breathe normally again.  sometimes, you’re at peace with it.  whatever the ending, things move on.  you heal.  don’t let the possibility of heartbreak destroy your hope in dating.

– in general, don’t let your fears of anything get in the way.  fear is the opposite of faith.  you should go into all your relationships with faith.

– remember that you are worth it. you are a great, amazing person.  self-respect is key to a healthy relationship.

x leslie