i just got back from my ward’s campout. as a group of singles, it’s not shocking that dating and relationships were on all of our minds. what did shock me though is what we were saying about dating and relationships. i’ve said all these things, too. but when i sat down and actually listened to what we were saying i felt icky.
girl a: they asked me to be a counselor for girl’s camp, but i’m just a single girl. i’m not married. what was i supposed to do? say, ‘well, it hasn’t worked out for me. but there’s still hope for you’?
girl b: well, we all fail at something, or we wouldn’t be in a single’s ward.
i refuse to feel like a failure because i’m single. in fact, i refuse to feel like a failure for anything. and you shouldn’t either.
i think i’m going to take a break from dating. in my overzealous search for a healthy relationship, i’ve made some poor choices. i was talking to a friend who frankly told me to read my own blog. he went on to imply that i am not making choices consistent with the advice that i am giving.
so for the next semester or so, i am focusing on getting myself back on track. i am going to get a 4.0 in school, and i am going to focus on improving my friendships. i am also going to get back to me, and for once, be ok with being single.
so future husband, my search for you is on hold. but that doesn’t mean that i won’t be focusing on becoming the wife you’ll want to marry me.
wish me luck!
now that i’m single and trying to move on from S, i’ve had some deep, get-to-know-myself moments. here’s what i learned:
– i can be happy without S, and i am.
– i have no idea how to flirt. seriously. i don’t know how to just go up to a guy and flirt with him. i can only flirt if it flows naturally. i have no control.
– i am an awesome person. and the next guy i date is going to actually deserve me.
– i’m going to go after quality rather than quantity. cause no matter how much i hate being single, i think i hate break ups even more.
– i need to be more open with friends. i’ve had friends ask me if i want to get set up with guys, and instead of being like, “yeah, he seems cool,” i always say: “idk, do whatever.” stupid answer. yes, i want to get set up with him!
– i don’t need to be mad or angry or hate S. he didn’t want to date me, so he’s dating someone else. i don’t want to date him, so it’s all good.
last sunday, i had the opportunity to listen to a very inspired man (elder richard g. scott) give advice on dating and marriage for both those who are married and those who are single. please listen to it here. he gave such great advice for husbands.
here’s just a few thoughts he left me with:
. to love another righteously is to protect and keep pure… to sacrifice oneself for the happiness of the other.
. be willing to give, share and be selfless.
. find joy in life.
. “Marriage is so wonderful.”
. don’t do movie date. they’re “stupid.”
. don’t demean your spouse in private or in public.
. tell your spouse what they need to know.
. express gratitude for your spouse.
but most of all, i was really amazed at how much elder scott loves his wife. i want to be loved like that.
months ago, after i told my mom about these great guy friends that i had been hanging out with, my mom warned me: leslie, don’t give away your bread slices for free.
i laughed it off because that’s the same thing people say about… well… you know the phrase.
but my mom is so right. in our current society, guys and girls don’t date. they hang out. there’s something wrong with that. there’s a reason why people date before they get married. dating can teach you a lot about a person that you don’t see when you hang out.
so, future husband, please don’t “hang out” with me. please date me.