dear future husband:

i was re-reading my journal from a few years ago, and i got to a section where my mom and i were talking about relationships, and the way to have a healthy one.  i’m trying to work on them in my day-to-day relationships, so that when we get married, i’ll be ready to make our marriage work.  i hope you’re doing the same.

1. everyone is different, even if we appear to be the same.
2. change your behavior.  you can’t do anything about the other person; so, to make the relationship work, you’ve got to change.
3. if [when] there is an argument, focus on events not generalizations or judgements.  use statements like “i feel” or “i thought”.  make sure the other party knows you’re willing to accept you’re wrong.
4. don’t misjudge.  having your own opinion about someone or their actions is fine, just be willing to change it.
5. don’t focus on who’s right.  focus on improving the situation.  also, don’t focus on who’ll win, it’s not a competition.
6. when you forgive them, never mention it again.  erase the incident from your mind.  never bring up past, forgiven grievances in any sort of argument.
7. don’t depend on others to make you happy.

hope we both can work on these things.

x leslie

a mother’s advice.

months ago, after i told my mom about these great guy friends that i had been hanging out with, my mom warned me: leslie, don’t give away your bread slices for free.

i laughed it off because that’s the same thing people say about… well… you know the phrase.

but my mom is so right.  in our current society, guys and girls don’t date.  they hang out.  there’s something wrong with that.  there’s a reason why people date before they get married.  dating can teach you a lot about a person that you don’t see when you hang out.

so, future husband, please don’t “hang out” with me.  please date me.