dear future husband:

i recently read this quote from comedian Mindy Kaling, “I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and because I want it for myself.”

it made me think about how sometimes in relationships, we dwell on the bad things. you chomp your gum.  i zone out whenever you talk about sports, etc.  perhaps, instead of thinking of all these bad things, we focus on the good things: i gave excellent back rubs, and you make me see the type of person i want to be.

you in? you willing to focus on those positives with me?

x leslie

thoughts on marriage

“Happiness is marriage is not something that just happens.  A good marriage must be created.  In the Art of Marriage, the little things are big things.  It is never being too old to hold hands.  It is remember to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day.  It is never going to sleep angry.  It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years.  It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.  It is standing together and facing the world.  It is never forming a circle of love that fathers the whole family.  it is doing things for each other, not in the attitude or duty of sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.  It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.  It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel.  It is not looking for perfecting in each other.  It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.  It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.  It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.  it is finding rooms for things of the spirit.  It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.  It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal.  It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.” – letter from Paul Newman to his wife on their wedding day

dear future husband:
i know i’m awkward. i used to be blissfully naïve of this until people started pointing it out, and know i’m fully [perhaps too fully] aware. be patient and please be willing to find my awkwardness endearing or at least amusing.
x leslie

dating fast

i think i’m going to take a break from dating.  in my overzealous search for a healthy relationship,  i’ve made some poor choices.  i was talking to a friend who frankly told me to read my own blog.  he went on to imply that i am not making choices consistent with the advice that i am giving.

so for the next semester or so, i am focusing on getting myself back on track.  i am going to get a 4.0 in school, and i am going to focus on improving my friendships.  i am also going to get back to me, and for once, be ok with being single.

so future husband, my search for you is on hold.  but that doesn’t mean that i won’t be focusing on becoming the wife you’ll want to marry me.

wish me luck!

dear future husband:

i was re-reading my journal from a few years ago, and i got to a section where my mom and i were talking about relationships, and the way to have a healthy one.  i’m trying to work on them in my day-to-day relationships, so that when we get married, i’ll be ready to make our marriage work.  i hope you’re doing the same.

1. everyone is different, even if we appear to be the same.
2. change your behavior.  you can’t do anything about the other person; so, to make the relationship work, you’ve got to change.
3. if [when] there is an argument, focus on events not generalizations or judgements.  use statements like “i feel” or “i thought”.  make sure the other party knows you’re willing to accept you’re wrong.
4. don’t misjudge.  having your own opinion about someone or their actions is fine, just be willing to change it.
5. don’t focus on who’s right.  focus on improving the situation.  also, don’t focus on who’ll win, it’s not a competition.
6. when you forgive them, never mention it again.  erase the incident from your mind.  never bring up past, forgiven grievances in any sort of argument.
7. don’t depend on others to make you happy.

hope we both can work on these things.

x leslie

dear future husband:

a few weeks ago, i went to a fireside for my ward that talked all about dating.

the speaker said that the main quality we should want in a spouse in the capacity to change.  i know i’ve talked about this before, being the point of love and marriage.  and i can’t believe how true it is.  we are all flawed, and it our willingness to change that will make us better people.

i’m working on that for myself, and i hope that you’re working on it, too.

x leslie