dear future husband,
i found you.
we met january 10th. i was on a date with your roommate, and while he was out of the room, we made small talk. we talked a few times over the next month, but then you looked up my number. our first date was febuary 28th. we met up for lunch, went to a museum and talked straight for six hours. maybe seven. i went to a girl’s night right after and was so excited to tell them all about you. i knew that night that you were someone very special. i knew that you were my future husband. i was completely smitten.
we held hands for the first time the next thursday. it was a snow day, and you walked from your house to mine. forty five minutes in a snowstorm- uphill. i changed four times before you came over. looking effortlessly casual is really difficult. we watched youtube videos about elevators and escalators. it was the silliest thing i’ve watched, but it was great. you were so adorable. i wanted so badly to hold your hand. then, eventually, while watching parks and rec on my laptop, you reached over and held my hand. we cuddled, talked and laughed for hours.
we had our first kiss the next night. we went to a game night in dc. while walking back to the metro, you spun me into you. i thought you were going to kiss me, but that wasn’t our first kiss. instead you hugged me. our first kiss was later that night. it was wonderful, even if i was a bit rusty.
you said you loved me for the first time a few weeks later. you sorta let it slip one night, while we were hanging out. somehow i made you laugh, and you started to say those words. a few days later, you owned it. i said it back maybe a week later.
i’m looking forward to the next couple of months of you being my “future” husband.
alright, honesty hour. and i mean complete honesty.
the past two years have been such confusing years. i’ve had some of the highest points of my life, and also some of the toughest struggles.
– making wonderful covenants with the Lord in the temple
– figuring out my career (hopefully for the last time)
– making wonderful friends
– being single for over two years and having very few options (i can count the amount of dates i’ve been on in the past two years with one hand)
– plus, as of now all of my exes are in serious committed relationships (engaged/married)
– having some of the biggest spiritual struggles of my life and doubting answers that i received and was once so sure of
– increased anxiety and stress regarding my future
– some intense loneliness and nostalgia for school and my friends from there
part of the reason i haven’t blogged much in the past two years is because i felt like i don’t know anything. i feel like if my past relationships haven’t worked, then something must be wrong with me. it’s crazy and untrue. i mistook “realism” for “cynicism” especially when it comes to how i view myself. but i’m done with that. i also thought that i shouldn’t accept that i care a lot about finding love; romance shouldn’t be in the top of my priorities, but it is. i’m a romantic.
so, i’m back to blogging. i’m back to being a “realistically-hopeful-romantic”.
be on the look-out for more “dear future husband” letters.
today my boss took me out to a delicious lunch to celebrate my birthday (which i celebrated in the aftermath of hurricane sandy). while feasting on burgers with blue cheese [yum], she gave me the advice she wished she had known when she was my age.
1. work on making lasting friendships
since facebook was invented, my motivation to work on friendships has plummeted 200%. it’s so easy to have a virtual friendship. i stalk my friends, frenemies and outright enemies. instead of calling up a friend to get an update on her life, i stalk her for an hour, finding out very little, except that i’m jealous of her clothes. i need to work on calling, writing and really communicating with friends. yay for lasting friendships!
2. be open to dating/romantic possibilities
i wouldn’t describe myself as a romantically closed person. i love love. i love being in relationships. i don’t normally shy away from dating experiences. i used to have a rule to never say no to a first date. this past weekend though, a guy asked for my number. i got a weird vibe from him, and so i gave him a fake number. this was not my most shinning moment.
this summer i got so comfortable with being single that perhaps i embraced singleness too much. i think it is important to be happy in whatever relationship status you’re in, but to also be open and willing to seek love.
3. try new things
explore, expand and experiment. this is a time in our lives when we get to figure out who we are. this requires exploration of ourselves, expansion of our comfort zone and experimenting with our current hobbies. so, this year i want to travel, learn new things, and expand myself.